all that is negative.

the past few days have been bad, real bad.
a few things happened that made me feel like shit.
i really do not feel good now, so i'm gonna take this chance to let it out,
to make myself feel abit better...i hope.

first off, let's talk about negative comments. what i mean by negative comments, are not words like 'stupid', 'idiot' or 'retarded'. i'm used to those words, and they are like used so frequently that i'm totally not affected by them at all. what i truly mean by negative comments, are words that attack you, right at the heart. it could be intentionally or by just pure accident. words that bring down your morale, words that really make you feel down the moment you hear it. they don't have to be vulgarities, they can just be simple words that carry big, painful meaning. such words have already hit me several times. i may not look like i am affected much by those words, but actually, i am. it's not that i'm ignorant, i just prefer to lay those unhappy feelings aside, to showing them and make a ruckus out of it. "what's the point bringing it up just because of a few words"...that is what i am always telling myself when it happens. i do admit i suck at loads of things and that i can't handle things well at all, and i am aware of it, more than anyone else. but you shouldn't bring down my morale. we improve by experiencing and not by hearing such words. but anyway, i hope that some people would be more aware when they talk. in any case, if i have hurt anyone with harsh words, i apologize and i will learn to be more aware of the words i use.

and i am not trying to gain sympathy by typing about such things. like i said, i am just letting it out. why am i so sensitive? i am not, i'm just sick and tired of laying any unhappiness aside.

secondly, about the way i do things. although there are many times when i do things that are really stupid, but there are times when i do things with a purpose. even the things i try to explain, i just change the scenario but the meanings are still the same. but alot see them as crap, that's all. i just feel that no one truly understands me, the way i do things, the things i say. let's talk about school, as an example. yes, indeed, i did say that i want to be more consistent in my work. i have improved a little, at least by studying and not failing every single module like the previous semester. but during this period of time, when there are so many stuffs to complete, there are bound to be some things that you will screw up, like my MMB CT 2. it may seem like i am giving excuses, but it's so not true. there's presentations to complete and tests to study.
don't ever say to me that we are all in the same situation and we are all going through the same torture. it's NOT the same at all. the way you do things is totally different from mine. you can multi-task, i can't. you want to complete everything at one go, but i prefer to finish things one at a time. and don't ever nag at me like how my mum would always do so, only my mum is given the right to do so. don't you dare ask why i am just aiming for a pass, and not a better grade. i know myself well, and i know the situation i am in, but not you. i am not you, i prefer not to aim too high and give myself high hopes like you do. and one more thing, don't come and tell me to be consistent in my work. because for your information, i am consistent in my work but it's just that my work is different from yours. if you think that the way i do things is really stupid, think again. i really do feel that your actions and decisions are more stupid at times.
learn to understand situations, then talk. if you don't understand me, don't talk.

anyway, i shan't talk about such personal stuff anymore.

ok, thirdly. french presentation. yes, i've been complaining like mad to my friends about my french presentation. my group mate is like so hard to contact. sms him during the afternoon, and he took 3 hours to reply back. then i sms him back immediately after i receive his reply, he never reply back...instead he replied the next morning. was totally worried and stressed about the slides because nothing was done. just before immunology lecture yesterday, he took damn long to reply me in msn, like 15 mins later then reply. i was so mad, i just allocated the work for him to do. the worse is...when he sent me his slides, i found out that ALL his slides are 100% plagarised! is machiam just copy & paste the sentences onto the slides. 16 slides in total, plus mine, which is only 7 slides! and he still got the cheek to tell me just before we were going to present that we should edit the slides because got plagarism. i seriously hate such work lah, it's total shit and there's no effort put in it at all. i am glad that i wouldn't have to see his goddamn fugly face again! the most unlucky thing to happen while going to school...is to meet him in the train. my mood totally changed when i saw his face in the train.

the most careless thing that i did today was to drop my BIG GULP when i wanted to open my house door. drank until 60%, then spilled it till like less than 20%. dang!


ok, i feel better right now.

the worst is still yet to come.

the worst is still yet to come.
more things for me to complete before chinese new year.

1) CCTA quiz (tomorrow)
2) french presentation (thursday, and i can't contact my group mate!)
3) BIF test & report (next monday)
4) aquaculture practical test (next tuesday)
5) immunology practical test (next wednesday, which is CNY eve)

this week would be slightly better than last week. there's only french presentation to complete which is NOT DONE yet. i can't contact my group mate. apparently, my file is not with me and i think it is in the clubhouse. i've got to get it back ASAP, i need to contact my group mate badly and discuss the project. my group mate also another kind la, give him my msn also never come add me. then last week, i must be the one that go up to him and tell him what we doing. imagine if i don't go up to him, he won't give a damn about it loh.
and next week would be killer. 3 tests to study! and the module i worry about most is BIF. yes, i seriously don't understand what was going on during lectures. i need to start on it soon. and there's aquaculture and immunology to study.
lucky i managed to get my CNY clothes already. but i'm gonna buy more t-shirts, since everyone is saying that i keep wearing the same clothes every week.
ok, back to the topic. then it would be CNY, and back to reality. exams!!! think this year's CNY would be so boring and meaningless lah, would probably be thinking about exams more than bah kua. but of course i won't be thinking so much about exams until i forget to take red packets.
and after exams, about 1 week later...start of FYP! the terror never ends. but i'm quite excited to start on FYP, although i know that i would soon be complaining like hell.

alright, i've got to get back to CCTA notes.

presentations, tests & it's still not the end.

super hell busy week!

the week had been packed with like 2 presentations and 2 tests.
monday was rushing aquaculture report and powerpoint slides, only managed to catch some sleep at like 2+am.


then on tuesday, i skipped MMB lecture which was at 8am, because i couldn't wake up. to reach school at 8am means i got to wake up at 6am! that's damn early lah, and 4 hours of sleep is definitely not enough for me. had to take a cab to school in the end, just to rush in time for my presentation which was at 10am. nothing much to say about the presentation. i'm just glad that it is over.

french written and oral tests on thursday!
think i kinda screwed the written test, didn't really study much. just hope that i won't do too badly. oral test was scary, really scary. it's worse than taking oral tests back when we were all primary and secondary students. but at least we got to prepare our speech and questions before the test. anyway, my french teacher could see that i was nervous. i was like damn blur when she asked me a few questions. well, it's partly because she said it pretty fast that i couldn't catch what she said. but in the end, she said 'tres bien', which means very good in french, although it's just 2 words but to be able to hear it, it's really very encouraging. later during the night, i had a hard time studying MMB test which was on the next day. about 7 chapters to cover in just 1 night. even with the study guide to tell us what to study, the information that we got to put into our brains is still ALOT!

i had CCTA presentation on friday morning. and i took cab to school again. 2nd time in a week, and both times are days when i got presentations. presentation was alright, put so much effort in it ok?!
presenting my bioreactor model, part 2 of presentation!!

super budget and recycled! spent totally $0 on this. and i'm so proud of my work, although it's simple, isn't the best and doesn't work. was rushing to finish the model on tuesday and wednesday. i was like super blur about what is what and where is where. lucky i got abit of help from my friends. anyway, parafilm works wonders.

after school, headed down to clubhouse as denyse and steph were there. reached clubhouse and went to help abit on making nikki's humungous birthday card. and there was a mini budget card too made by denyse. and there's Bangala-Sutra, basically it's a book with pictures of bangalas and there "name", "age" and other stuffs. the idea was initially to stick a picture of a bangala on the mini budget card. but because there were so many pictures of them. decided to make a book, which was made from postcards, foolscap paper and tape. headed down to PS to met up with kaihua and had burger king for dinner. after that, walked to The Cathay to buy movie tickets. 27 Dresses. had to wait for nikki for so long because she went to cineleisure instead. and we gave her the budget card and bangala-sutra, while the huge card was with steph (it was inside this huge plastic bag and sealed). 27 Dresses was nice!!! but during the beginning the of the movie, i slept a little. not because it was boring. i was just sleepy, but i told myself that i couldn't sleep, movie ticket was $9.50!!! the ending of the movie was like so nice! after the movie, we all gave nikki her huge card, and also her present. went to eat tou hua also, slacked and walked around until about 130am. denyse and i had to wait for the night rider for like damn long. bus ride back was fast but nice. we boarded the bus at like 205am, and we reached bukit panjang at like 230am! and i just realised that the night rider doesn't just stop at choa chu kang interchange. it goes to my house too!!! so now i can take a night rider home instead of spending like $20 on cab. the bus fare is like $2.50, almost 10 times cheaper.

au revoir.

events, events & events.

NP Open House

the time of the year when NP gets really rowdy with visitors touring the campus and getting to know more about the courses NP's got to offer. ok, the highlights of the event...are the donuts, seriously. and it's really irritating to see SL mass-dancing to that irritating high school musical song, some All for One crap. seriously, i don't call that dancing.

anyway, LSCT's theme this year was "A World in Crisis". really different from last year which was about X-men. there was this case/scenario for visitors to solve and learn more about the courses that LSCT offers. and they could stand a chance to win an ipod and other goodies if they are participate. i wonder who won that ipod.

i helped out both on friday and saturday. friday's shift was inside the aquaculture lab and saturday's shift was being an usher. friday's shift was fun. explaining to the visitors about science stuff which they don't know is like so fun. it makes you feel so smart. but being an usher is totally not fun! don't want to explain much about it, it's just boring...bringing visitors around the LSCT. didn't really do my job properly on that day, because was like tired from beesim's event which was held in the morning. had to rush to school with xl after the event.

and huinee did this to me!

West Coast CC YEC - Beesim's event
met up with serene, beesim, weisan, jinhao, edmar and mingcheng at clementi. headed down to west coast cc for this newspaper collection event. i didn't expect to be leading a group of students from NUS High School. lucky there's serene with me.
anyway, the students from NUS High are really intelligent and hardworking. serene and i were really amazed with how much they have collected for the 1st block. it's really amazing, just 9 students and they collected a mountain of unwanted things from the residents. even i can't do that. and actually, i didn't help much in the collection at all.
the 9 students were all so hardworking, they actually went to every single unit to collect as much things they could collect. but i was so worried that they would be too tired by the time they reach the last block. so i told them to slack abit, like no need go every unit to collect, and that no matter how much they collect, their CIP hours are all the same, so no point working too hard.
OK! I'M A SUPER BAD EXAMPLE TO FOLLOW OK!
but i am being a good welfare!

Funkamania
yup! went to support steph and all teams from NRA just now!!! got to see many teams performing, at the same time, dancers with different styles. from ninjas, to ah bengs, to even gay dancers. yes, the last group to perform! they tried to dance and imitate like girls. it's entertaining, but it really is insulting to dancers, as well as girls. their actions were too exaggerating! and the judges, their comments were too good for them.
in terms of entertainment, i still think Onbit did so much better at it. those guys really did a great job, just by looking at their faces, it makes you wanna laugh. at the same time, their dance moves were dope! so much more dope than those gay dancers. that's what i call dance and real entertainment.
after the event, denyse, steph, nikki, linette and i went to holland village to eat. it's been a long time since i last went there. went to crystal jade kitchen to eat congee, and i had meatball congee. it's really delicious, although not very filling.
went to starbucks for coffee and cake too! warm chocolate cake plus iced vanilla latte! chocolate cake was really nice!!!
spent like ALOT on food today!


BUSY WEEK AHEAD!
i am so dead. it's gonna be one hell of a week!
hell loads of things to complete.
monday: chiong aquaculture report
tuesday: aquaculture presentation & chiong bioreactor
wednesday: chiong bioreactor & study french
thursday: french oral and written tests, study MMB test, final touches to bioreactor
friday: CCTA presentation & MMB test
i seriously hope i make it through the week alive.

Threadless!
yay! i'm so happy because i ordered 2 t-shirts online! i love the designs!
ordered them from threadless. but it will only be delivered to me in about 1 month's time. just hope it comes ASAP! i shall not reveal the designs of the t-shirts, wait till i receive them alright?
http://www.threadless.com/

alright, i guess i shall stop here then.

song xi sucks!

i love french lessons! it's really fun to learn french.
it's such a beautiful language.
my french teacher is really nice. she brought 2 types of fromage today! fromage is cheese, in french. there's Brie and Camembert. both are really nice!
and there's like more than 365 different types of cheeses found in france. that's what my teacher said. so imagine if you eat 1 type everyday, it will take you about a year to exhaust the entire list. best is, you won't get sick of eating a particular type.
anyway, there was supposed to be an oral test today. but, it was postponed to next week together with the written test!

time to rant!

seriously, i hate this particular someone in my french class. i got so fed up with him just now during lesson. lucky he's from BA and not LSCT. and i hope i never get to see his ugly face again.
and i am really unlucky to have met him during the first lesson and he sitting beside me. what's worst is that i've agreed to work with him for the french presentation.
ok, now let me explain what happened.
it all started when my teacher gave us an acitvity to do. the class had to come out with a skit about buying food in a cafe/restaurant (of course in french). and that stupid asshole left the class to call someone and left me sitting down alone. i had to wait for him to come back and he took damn freaking long to come back! so much time wasted because of his stupid call lah!
and when he came back, he just stoned and he wasn't helping much at all. and i had to ask him the same question like 4 times!!! if i had to repeat 2 times, it's alright. but 4 times?! i hate repeating my questions again and again.
and then, i asked him whether he wanted to add some humour in our skit. he shook his head. alright fine.
but soon after the 1st group presented their skit, which was indeed entertaining, he said something which made me feel like slapping him.
"we should add humour in our skit."
then i asked him another question, like what kind of accent he wants to use to make it funny.
his answer this time really made me want to kill him.
"why not we change our content?"
fuck! after thinking and writing so much, he wants to change the content!
and of course i had to tell him that it's the way we present that's got to be funny and not just the content. and since we are going to present, what for change the content? it's just a freaking waste of my time and energy.
and of course he didn't take my advice and talked monotonously when doing the skit.
what a bitch!
seriously, i hate it when i work with such people who don't take advices, come out with stupid suggestions and just do what they want to do which is so boring. i would rather work with the first group that presented first. they're a fun group to work with.
argh! guess i can't depend on him on the presentation topic. i'm just going to decide the topic on my own, stick to my decision and give him no options to choose. (well, his answer would be 'anything', so i don't care whether he likes it or not.)

action packed friday.

i had CCTA practical on friday morning. and my class was the first class to dissect the mice that were injected with booster shots. and the mice were all put in this box with carbon dioxide. i was late for class so i didn't see the process of how they died, but by the time i looked inside the box, all the mice were dead.
anyway, it was the 2nd time i saw a dead furry rodent right in front of me when the TSO gave each group a dead mice. the 1st time i saw a dead rodent was my hamster which i took care of for like 1 year. it was tragic. apparently, i fed it too much carrots and it died of diarrhea. it got so weak that it couldn't even walk properly. that night i cried my heart out until i fell asleep.
ok, back to the mouse. during the process of dissecting the mouse, my hands were like shaking and i didn't know why. it's totally different from dissecting a dead fish or cutting the head of a chicken embryo. after cutting up the mouse, i had to find the spleen, which i had difficulty doing that. the anatomy of the mouse is more complicated than a fish. so i had to seek help from dr lee.

friday was LSCT night cycling. 2nd time joining, but this time round, as a road marshal. it's a different experience. not only we got to look after ourselves, but also the participants. it's not an easy job at all, especially when it's your first time. cycling was pretty alright. the bikes were much better than those we used during the recce. there was this part of the route that we had to cycle uphill, and the route was like OMG. but i managed to cycle all the way up! because i remember last time i very lousy when it comes to cycling uphill. and i must say that dance lessons have really helped alot! my group reached school at like 440am. so early lah!
after the whole event, i was super duper sleepy. denyse, nikki and me went up to clubhouse to sleep. and i slept like all the way till 1030am!!! and there was weng, ben lim, huinee and denyse left in the clubhouse. the rest left at like 8am. so i took a cab back home. practically slept the whole day and woke up at like 5+pm.
.
.
.
$150 for new year clothes! and i don't know what to buy. because when i buy clothes, i must have an idea of what i want before i do so. if not, i would be wasting money on clothes i don't wear in the end. and my mum is like bugging me to buy clothes already.
how how how?

miracle no.2!

aquaculture CT paper, 58/100.
i could have done much better, if it won't for that 2 stupid mistakes i made that cost me 8 marks. like i said before, the paper wasn't tough and you can just cut and paste the answers from the lecture notes. dang! i'm so not satisfied!

but on the other hand, a 2nd miracle occured.

and it's MMB. i did say that i would definitely fail the paper pretty badly. and i was fully prepared to fail the paper. but when i got back my paper yesterday, i saw a number 50 on my paper (total: 100). i couldn't believe my eyes. i passed! phew, i am relieved. but i could have done much better again if i had really paid attention to all the guidelines. there was this 11 marks question that i left it blank, because i missed out that 1 slide that has all the answers to that question.

all in all, i could have done so much better for this time round's CT. well, at least i studied. i've got to put in more effort and do much better for the final exams, which is like...in 1 month's time?

a week full of happening stuffs.

what a week! ok, i've not blogged for a week and i don't know where and how to start.

let's start with school first ya?

2nd term of the semester started on wednesday. and the first lesson i had to attend was bioinformatics!!! super not looking forward to it, because there's this 2 mins quiz that you can't afford to miss for every lesson. if you miss it, there goes your 2.5% (if i'm not wrong). let's say the quiz starts at 10am, you got to be early or at least be punctual. if you enter class like 1002am, which is like 2 mins late for class, then you'd miss the test.

and i received my immunology CT paper too, quite relieved that i passed. 37/60, i could have done better for the paper. and i managed to get 1 mark from dr lim, so it's 38/60.

thursday was the 2nd lesson of french class. and i forgot that we were supposed to introduce ourselves in french to the class. and the whole class forgot about it. but our teacher revised what we learnt last lesson before asking us to introduce ourselves, so it wasn't that bad.

had dance lessons on wednesday and thursday too! lessons are getting more and more tiring, choreo is getting tougher, but still, i enjoy lessons. got to really work on my fundamentals and isolations. i got to improve more!!!

and on friday, CCTA! got back my paper, and i remembered saying that i would fail like really badly. like 15/50 would be very good, and 20/50 would be a miracle. guess what?! i got 20/50!!! it's a miracle! although i still failed but i'm not discouraged. because i knew i did my best for the paper. got back my practical test too, 9/10!!

supposed to recce for night cycling on that day too, because road marshals got to know the route. but then it was postponed to saturday.

alright! the best is yet to come! so hang in there.

went to school in the morning on saturday for donald's special birthday surprise. apparently, xl and me were thinking of how to lure donald so that we could all celebrate for him. yup, so i called him and lied to him that he left his pants in the clubhouse! and i got weisan to help make sure he come to the clubhouse. and thanks weisan for buying the cake too! xl, mingcheng, kaihua, darren and i were hiding at the area outside the clubhouse and denyse was lying on the sofa, sleeping. weisan managed to enter the clubhouse earlier than donald to pass us the cake. and we managed to surprise him!

Operation: Lure Donald to Clubhouse & Surprise Him - SUCCESS!

and i went to meet up with my mum at queensway shopping centre to get a new pair of shoes! needed a new pair because dancing with my old pair is a big problem. even when walking down a slope, i've got to be really careful. went inside Limited Edt, and i was looking out for high cut shoes this time. managed to find a whole row of shoes that has 20-40% discount. i found 1 pair which i liked, it's adidas and it's white and the stripes are brown. i love that shoes' texture. but, that pair of shoe was the LAST pair!! so in the end, i didn't want it. because what they did was take out a shoe from the pair and put it up on display, leaving the other shoe in the box. i compared the pair, and the one in display was not very clean. but in the end, i chose another pair which i also liked.

thanks mum! i'm so happy! i've got new shoes! initially, i was worried whether this pair that i chose would go well with my jeans. since it's blue and my jeans are blue. because i also have this blue nike shoe which totally doesn't go well with my jeans. but this shoe has a much darker shade of blue and it turned out alright to me when i tried it on with jeans.

went to school again in the night for recce. recce was fun. but the bicycles really gave us all a hard time, except for 1 or 2. not only our butts hurt alot, our hands too! the brakes were so hard to press, had to use strength to even slow down. anyway, back to cycling. haha! i think i am the scariest cyclist! people behind and infront of me have to worry about me. because there were quite a number of times i knocked onto things near me. eg, parked bicycles on the pavement. basically anything. but that's partly because we cycled on the pavement which has more obstacles. can't blame me leh, i'm not that good in cycling. but on the actual day of the event, i would have less accidents. so, not to worry. managed to finish recce-ing the route at about 530am. was super tired after that. denyse and i cabbed home, i was too lazy to take a bus and train and then walk home.

and so, when i got home, i bathed and spent the whole day sleeping. woke up at 245pm for lunch and then went back to sleep again at about 330pm. this is what i call lazy sunday! anyway, i shall end my post here, anymore typing and my fingers are gonna come off.