random things to blog.

1) i've got a super duper blocked nose.

2) i hate the weather.

3) i'm stuck at home the whole day, with nothing to do.

4) i've been trying to find jobs that are appealing to me.

5) i hate it when i can't make up my mind.

6) i feel like a 'hollow' everytime i go back to the dentist to tighten my braces.

7) i'm so happy that my teeth moved so much.

8) i'm waiting for the day to finally get my hands on a PSP and call it mine.

9) i'm getting lazier day by day.

10) i need a hair cut.

11) i'm craving for hotcakes in the mornings.

12) i'm glad that september is arriving real soon.

13) i seriously need to kill time.

14) i am still having post-exam syndromes.

15) i am so not enjoying my holidays.



alright, all these explains how i am currently living through the holidays, for now.

blood brothers.

watched Blood Brothers with abe, davin, nikki, augustine, kai hua and jeremiah yesterday.
to me, the movie was not bad.
i feel that the movie has meaning in it.
i'll give it 3.5/5.
it talks about how the bond between 3 brothers (2 of them are blood related, while the 3rd is like their own 'brother') got broken so easily, all because of 'paradise'.
in the end, their idea of 'paradise' didn't turn out what they wanted it to be.
also shows how corrupted shanghai was in the past, with all the killing going on.

is blood really thicker than water?

post-exams syndromes.

the problem with exams is that you got to study like mad and sit for papers which can really kill your brain cells.

but now there is a problem with the aftermath of exams.

you are left with nothing to do at home, except for playing games, watching tv, munching on food, taking loads of naps.

so, i've kinda made up my mind to go find a job this holiday.

i seriously need $$$. it's pathetic to have only $50 and a few cents in your wallet right now.

but i've been thinking, what kind of job i want?

to be honest, i seriously don't like doing sales and stuff.

you got to see other peoples' face and you got to give that damn friendly smile to them, even though they may be like the biggest assholes you have ever seen.

this is something i inherited from my mum. =D

i thought of giving tuition to lil pri school kids (P4-6).

WOW! i seriously can't imagine myself giving tuition to kids.

and i bet most of you can't imagine too.

i think after each lesson, there will be drawings on every page of the textbooks touched.

you should have seen my sec school textbooks. that's level 10.

and i must say the drawings in lecture notes that i have in poly are not even at level 3.

i've restrained myself from doodling too much.

anyway, i just need some double confirmation before i go give tuition to kids.

but at the mean time, shall just be on a lookout for jobs that are appealing to me.

if there's not really much of a choice, then tuition it will be.

haha! and my sis is getting me a PSP!

yahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

at first, she wanted to get me a DS lite.

but then, who cares?

she told me it's a version 3.52 and it's silver.

O_____O!

i think it looks like this, right?

but then, all great offers come with a price lah.

and i got to do well next semester.

but it's worth it i guess.

and i'm gonna have it real soon, not on my birthday!

THANK YOU MY DEAR SISTER OF MINE!

the end.

finally, i can get some super good quality rest.
from all the studying, from all the super late nights, from all the stress and worrying.
today marks the end of exams and semester and the start of holidays.
like finally man!!!

i seriously don't know whether i'll be able to pass.
kinda disappointing to make stupid mistakes that are worth so much of marks.
all i hope for is at least a C for biostats and Ds for MOBIO, biochem and instru.
i would be damn happy if i get these grades for this semester.
although my GPA would be really low, but all i hope is not to repeat any modules next semester.
especially MOBIO and instru.
all i can do now is just hope, what is done is done.
i know i did my best for all 4 papers, so...i should be happy! =)

more than a week of studying.
and now that the holidays are here.
i should not think too much about the results.
for now, i shall just relax and take a good break from all the schooling, studying and exams.
time to do what i do best, ENJOY!!!

stress level? maybe.

Your Stress Level is: 43%

You are somewhat prone to stress, especially when life gets hard. When things are good, you resist stressing over little problems. But when things are difficult, you tend to freak out and find it hard to calm down.

How Stressed Are You?

this explains why i always look so carefree and happy-go-lucky.
right now, stress level...50:50?
an extra 7%, due to the exams plus worrying about my revision for biochem.
won't have that much time to study on tuesday, about 8 hours to study and recap.
can't stay up too late either, biochem paper is at 9am.
which totally sucks ass.
biostats paper tomorrow, hope that i'll be able to do the paper.

Maybe - Kelly Clarkson

hot tempered these days.

i realised that i've been getting really hot tempered these days.
don't know why, but i can get kinda agitated over something, even if it's a statement.
i guess my friends in school don't realise that.
but at home, boom! flare up.
don't know what's wrong with me.
my blood can boil like mad over so many small lil things.
from noise to smell to statements and many many more.
i feel like a time bomb filled with hot magma.
maybe it's because of the exams...
maybe it's because i am tired...
i hate this whole exam period thing.

on the lighter note, i'm kinda proud of myself these 2 days.
managed to study 8 chapters of MOBIO.
well, there is still the last one which will be done later.
didn't exactly memorised my lecture notes, just understood the content.
no point memorising when the the actual paper for the module is on tuesday.
i'd forget the content within 24 hours or more if i were to memorise.
i would leave all the memorising of the lil small details on monday instead.

quite productive. but still, not enough.
let's see, only 30% of revision completed?
i still got biostats to read through, understand, know how to do and also do revision questions.
not to forget, biochem. so far, only covered carbohydrates metabolism.
couldn't study the rest of the chapters for metabolism on wednesday, my blood was really boiling to the max till the point where i've got no mood to even read a point on the slide.
there' still the first half of the semester's work to revise for biochem and plus, going through the exam papers.
and finally, instru. yes, i've already like studied 10 chapters, but that's for the retest.
and i'm not sure if the content is still in my head. there's still HPLC to study, practicals to read through, and also the calculations.
so many things to do, yet it seems like there isn't much time left.
exams are gonna last for 4 days straight, monday to thursday, with really shitty timings of the day.

well, everyone has that 24 hours.
it's a matter of how it's been used to the max.
although i'm feeling kinda tired, but i still got to continue.
the semester's gonna end real soon.
just need to go through the exams.
not only do i need to endure, i need to give it my 100+++%.

1 year.

today marks a really special day.

Happy Birthday to ABE once again!
hope you enjoyed your special day.

anyway, it's been 1 year since i created this blog of mine.
1 year. that's how fast time has past.
like so many things happened, within 1 year. all blogged on this blog.
so, Happy 1 Year to my blog!
arhaha...

exams are really drawing nearer.
and there isn't that much time left.
really worried for all the modules.
really afraid that i won't be able to absorb what i studied.
and yes, the papers themselves. what if i can't do the questions?
oh well, i guess i got to get back into action.
only managed to study 1 chapter of metabolism just now, not very productive eh.
target was to finish all 4 chapters on metabolism.
so...no time to waste! off to the lecture notes!

not confident but still got to word much harder.

for the past 3 days, i've been really studying hard for my instru retest.
the minute i woke up, it was study time.
but i did get some quality rest in the middle.
asking questions here and there, understanding the lecture notes, explaining to myself verbally about what i had absorbed.
and finally, today's the test.
i wasn't at all confident that i would do well.
afraid that i would not be able to answer the questions.
just told myself that i would do my best for the paper.
try my best to answer the questions.
try to grab any marks that i could.
the first part of question 1 was kind of a breeze.
but then the terror started when i reached question 2.
i knew the formula, but i just couldn't convert the concentration correctly.
lost like 14 marks!
that was where i started losing loads of confidence.
kinda struggled through question 3, with the thought of whether i would be able to pass the test.
the last part was energy draining.
i knew that i could do it, but i lost quite alot of confidence.
tried cracking my brains, and thinking of the right answers.
tried to focus and recall back what i studied, but i couldn't.
i stayed for the entire 1 hour 30mins, make it 1 hour 29 mins instead.
i gave up on thinking, squeezing whatever answers i could squeeze on the paper.

left the lecture hall feeling uncertain of whether i would get that 12.5%. the pass was so important to me, it would definitely motivate me like tonnes and tonnes.
but i do know that i would not do as badly as how i did the previous 2 tests.
i seriously hope that what i have written on the script would be correct.
and for that 14 marks, i hope i could get at least 1 or 2 marks for writing the correct formula down.

but on the lighter note, i kinda passed biochem.
although i missed the passing grade by 3 marks, but still...counted pass lah!
dr papa smurf would do so. he thought i passed the paper, but i told him that i missed by 3 marks, and he gave that 'don't worry, i count it as a pass' face.
at least i do know that i can pass my final exams if i want to.
although i'm kinda worried for the instru retest, i shouldn't let it affect me too much.
the next stage is the final exams.
and i really got to make sure i pass, not borderline passes.
but at least a satisfying 'C' grade to pull up my GPA.
i started out this semester all slacky and lazy, and i've learnt my lesson.
it's time to really work hard, much much harder.
although there isn't much time left before the exams, but it isn't too late to start mugging.
move on and work extra hard.
that is what i have to do.


EDITED 1h 30 mins after i last posted:

YAYYYYYYYYY!!! i am seriously so happy now!
because i passed the instru retest!!!
35/60!
i didn't expect to get this sort of marks lahhh.
although it still isn't good enough, but still i got my 12.5%.
i am so so so so so motivated to do better for final exams!
"Although you have passed the CA component (60%), keep in mind that if you FAIL BADLY in the exam, it is still possible that you could fail this module."- quoted by ms ong through the email she sent.
yes, understood!

quality rest, for the time being.

List out your top 5 birthday presents that you wish for:

ONE- happy family!
TWO- friendship will grow and prosper.
THREE- learn to dance well.
FOUR- be consistent in my school work, study hard & play hard.
FIVE- be happy.

Answer the following questions.
1.(the person who tag you is ...)
Steph, Alvin

2.(your relationship with him/her is ...)
Friends

3.(your 5 impressions of him/her ..)
Steph: unglam, always burping. sociable. great friend to talk to, laugh with, and make fun of. (although it's always the other way round.)
Alvin: hardworking. the words he says sometimes may be abit direct, but he means no harm. (i'm being honest hor.)

4.(the most memorable thing he/she had done for you)
Steph: calling me a faggot?
Alvin: calling me gay?

5.(the most memorable words he/she had said to you)
Steph: stop being a faggot, joel!
Alvin: you are gay!

6.(if he/she becomes your lover, you will..)
lover? both of them are attached. and i am not gay!

7.(if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be)
Steph: firstly, stop calling me a faggot lah! don't be so unglam can...haha!
Alvin: hmm...don't so hot-headed.

8.(if he/she becomes your enemy, you will...)
i'd probably slice/dice/mince/chew/tear/grind them, and show them that BRACEMOUTH PWNS!!!

9. (if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be ...)
calling me faggot/gay? NAH...they would be dead already if it really happened.

10.(the most desire thing you want to do for him/her now is ...)
be great friends lah! DUH! be lovers meh? (refer to question.6) lol.

11.(your overall impression of him/her is ...)
of all the things that the both of them did to me, i must say...%^&(*)!@%$!!!
no la, i am such a good friend. always kana bully.
but overall, really good friends that i've met since i entered poly and GLs.

12.(how you think people around you will feel about you?)
nice question hur. you people should know deep inside your hearts how you all feel about me.
look into you heart, and you will find the answer.

13.(the character you love of yourself are ...)
ignorant?

14.(on the contrary, the characters you hate of yourself are ...)
lazy, procrastinating.

15.(the most ideal person you want to be is ...)
me, myself and i.

16.(for people that care and like you, say something to them ..)
i know all of you feel bad calling me gay/faggot. don't deny it. haha!
seriously, thanks for all the great things all of you have done for me! =D

(this is damn fucking long lahhh!!!)

17.(pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you)
1. Abe
2. Steph (back at ya!)
3. Nadjmi
4. Denyse
5. Jessica
6. Charmaine
7. Vanessa
8. Weng
9. Oscar my mini schnauzer (he's gonna bark the answers at me.)
10. i-seriously-donno-who-lahhh

11.(who is no.6 having relationship with?)
Alvin.

12.(Is no.9 a male or female?)
Male.

13.(If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?)
impossible, no.7's attached and no.10 is donno-who.

14.(How about no.8 and 5?)
they're not lesbians.

15.(What is no.2 studying about?)
same course as me lah! MBIO!

16.(When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?)
just now, during the day.

17.(What kind of music band does no.8 like?)
i don't know.

18.(Does no.1 has any siblings?)
a younger brother.

19.(Will you woo no.3?)
no! he's black and i'm not gay!

20.(How about no.7?)
she's attached.

21.(Is no.4 single?)
yes.

22.(What's the surname of no.5?)
Lim

23.(What's the hobby of no.4?)
neopets...

24.(Do no.5 and 9 get along well?)
defnitely not! no.9 would just bite no.5. haha!

25.(Where is no.2 studying at?)
NP.

26.(Talk something casually about no.1)
she's a lion.

27.(Have you try developing feelings for no.8?)
no.

28.(Where does no.9 live at?)
my house!

29.(What color does no.4 like?)
pink.

30.(Are no.5 and 1 best friends?)
no, just friends.

31.(Does no.7 likes no.2?)
hmm, yes! as friends.

32.(How do you get to know no.2?)
same class in poly yr 1.

33.(Does no.1 have any pets?):
no.

34.(Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?)


*vanessa, can you see the answer? it's right there. you got to look really clearly.*

thanks my friends!

a good thing that i passed my MOBIO practical retest.
not a very good pass, but the marks are still capped at 50%.
pretty happy about the pass though.

but something bad really really struck me.
right after dr choy marked the paper, explained the mistakes and so on...
ms ong came out from her office for instru lecture.
and she told me that i failed my instru test 2.
and when i got back my paper, i was really shocked.
18/60.
i felt like breaking down already.
i was feeling damn shitty during the entire lecture.
i kept looking through the paper, wondering what was wrong with my answers.
i remembered myself being able to do the paper.
but still, i got back this sort of results.
it's so demoralizing.

the worse was yet to come.
after lecture, i saw my overall common tests marks.
common test 1 + common test 2.
out of 25%, i only got 6.9%.
and it was the lowest out of the entire lecture.

but i really got to thank my friends.
for cheering me up, making me feel so much better.
really appreciate everything that you all have done.
from stupid actions and noises, to words of encouragements, to smiles and laughters and also movie!
watched Rush Hour 3 just now.
i felt so much better, less stressed after the movie.

anyway, tuesday is the instru retest.
i've got to make sure i pass this one.
i need a 12.5%, instead of a 6.9%.
great timing to make myself study and revise instru, at least i won't have to struggle so much when studying the last part (HPLC) for final exams.
not to forget, the Nintendo DS lite that i want! i've got to work hard for it!
and steph told me in msn when i got home that NRA would dismiss anyone if they failed any modules. all the more i shouldn't fail the retest and final exams!
so many things to keep me motivated.
but the most important thing is myself.
i've need the drive to do well, i need to relearn how to motivate myself like i used to in the past.
i need to "JIA YOU!!!"

i want entertainment!

ya know, there comes a time when every young man needs some entertainment.

something to keep them occupied.

something to make them really addicted to.

something to help them kill time, and make their life more colorful.

don't get any wrong thoughts/ideas.

and that's something also known as a gadget.

and it is no ordinary gadget, like a handphone or a laptop or even worse, the television.

it's something called Nintendo DS.

i like the black one...

and the time has really arrived for me to have one.

i know, it's real bad timing.

because the exams are round the corner.

i should not think of getting it at around this time.

maybe, after the exams.

i've been really thinking.

about my gameboy advance that had been lying on my shelf for so many months untouched.

it's high time to get rid of it.

and i thought of selling it to Cash Converters.

it's in pretty good condition i must say.

just a lil tiny winy dirt at some edges, and a few scratches on the screen.

i keep wondering if they would fetch a good price.

because there was this time, my mum sold my ANCIENT gameboy (that really big one.) and both my Pokemon Yellow and Gold versions games to them.

the pokemon games each costed about $30.

and guess what??

it was sold to them at $2 each in the end.

2 freaking cheapo dollars!!!

can you believe it?!

like WTF!, seriously. imagine this, although it is a second hand good, but i remember training my pokemon until level damn high lehhh!!!

you know my dragonite damn hard to train...train until level 75 lahhh!!!

and in the end, i got back $2 for selling each game.

ok, the main focus is not about the pokemon, it's the freaking money.

you can't even buy a packet of chicken rice using the money you get.

because nowadays, chicken rice costs about $3 already.

once again, main focus not on chicken rice, it's the money.

ok whatever.

i shall just see how much they price my gameboy advance.

and i am gonna psycho my mum using my advance, so that i can get my hands on the DS.

maybe here's an example:

me: mum! i've got a question to ask you.

mum: yes?

me: do you think i should sell my gameboy advance to Cash Converters and get something like a Nintendo DS?

*shows her the image of DS from my lappy*

ps: the whole idea of the question is not about the advance, and also not about that damn money cheating company...it's about the DS.

i've got no idea what would happen next...

but let's imagine:

mum: and why do you need that?

me: because i think it is such a waste if my advance is left on my shelf untouched.

mum: and where would the rest of the money come from even if you sold it and buy the DS?

me: from your pocket?

hmm...i wonder what would happen next?

oh well, the only way to find out is to ask.

test metabolizing me.

been studying biochem for the past few days.
metabolism of carbohydrates, fatty acids and amino acids.
loads of stuffs to remember.

and the test was today.
i remembered entering the lecture hall pretty confident that i would be able to do the paper.
but when i left the lecture hall, i was cursing and swearing.
and it's all because of the stupid urea cycle and structures to draw, 15 marks gone!
didn't remember the structure of lactate, hopefully the smurf lecturer would give me 1 or 2 marks for drawing the structure of pyruvate.
beta-oxidation of fatty acids...with a few mistakes here and there.
hoping that the smurf lecturer would be kind to me.
overall, the paper sucked big time.
so many MCQ questions (35 marks)...and 3 pathetic questions (35 marks) asking you to draw structures, structures and MORE structures.

and not to forget, i failed MOBIO practical test.
and i've got a freaking retest this friday.
how nice hur?
realized that i've been taking loads of REtests this semester.
it just sucks like #&^!%@(&)!!!
i just hope that i pass both biochem test and instrumentation test.
i don't think my brain and body can take in anymore REtests before the final exams.

2 weeks without dance and i'm already feeling fat.
and not to forget all the macdonalds and oily food that i've been ingesting.
i think by the time dance resumes, i would have a doughnut of adipose tissues around my waist.

Hole - Kelly Clarkson

Hole - Kelly Clarkson
From the album: My December

Tired
Of everything around me
I smile
But i don't feel a thing, no

I'm so far from where i need to be
I've given up on faith, on everything
All i want, all i need
Is some peace

There's a hole
Inside of me
It's so cold
Slowly killing me

Secrets
Eating at the core of me
Shut off
Trusting all the lies i breathe

I'm so far from where i need to be
I've given up on faith, on everything
All i wanted, all i needed
Was some peace

There's a hole
Inside of me
It's so damn cold
Slowly killing me

Sinking ever so slowly
So far from where i should be
No hands reaching out for me
Help me, help me

Something's gone
I can feel it
It's all wrong
I'm so sick of this

There's a hole
Inside of me
It's so cold
Slowly killing me
There's a hole
Inside of me
It's so damn cold
Slowly killing me

Sober - Kelly Clarkson

Sober - Kelly Clarkson
From the album: My December

And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over

And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing,I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I
left my tears in but I know
It's never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I'm still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

Simpsons and burger.

finally, yesterday...a thursday with no more I&E lessons.
caught the Simpsons movie with steph, donald and alvin.
but before that, we had Burger King for lunch.
it's been awhile since i last ate a burger.
wait! 3 months to be exact.
and my lower jaw hurt quite abit when eating...
and it was bleeding!!!
haha, only abit lah.
but how did i know my lower jaw was bleeding?

because i spotted something RED on the bun of the burger!!!

not really dark red, just a faint spot.
confirm not chilli or ketchup, because i don't eat them.
but...nothing serious i guess.

oh, back to the Simpsons movie.
it was GREAT!
really really funny!!!
the whole theatre was like practically laughing throughout the movie.
the movie really lightened up my mood.

=)

failures.

i don't know why.
i keep failing.
it seems like i am useless already.
i mess things up.
yet i'm not able to clean it up.
i fail to succeed.
yet i'm not able to get back up.
i keep trying to get back.
but i keep falling back.
there's a hole inside of me.
it's so cold, slowly killing me.

i'm so worried.
maybe i just got to try harder.
much harder.